Hi, I’m Tamar
My name is Tamar, and I’m an alcoholic in recovery. And for the record, I’m not ashamed of the word alcoholic because it matches what my genetics have already told me is true. And besides, adding shame to a word only fuels the stigma for it…no thanks!
Oh and In 2022, I also started dating a woman to whom I am now happily married too.
I’m starting this blog with that because it’s the truest place I know how to start. Everything I’ve built since, including this company, grew out of those two moments of finally telling the truth about who I am.
The kid who talked too much
I never in a million years thought I’d start a company. I barely graduated high school. I flunked out of my early college days and got put on academic probation.
I was the kid who talked too much, got kicked out of class, and got told I didn’t apply myself. For a long time I believed that meant I was dumb.
So I spent years trying to prove I was worth something. I worked harder in corporate, chasing the next promotion, and it was never enough. Alcohol was part of that chase for 22 years. I’ve now been sober for 14.
When I started coaching and wanted to be an entrepreneur, the old voice came right back: Who am I to do this? This is never going to happen.
I still catch myself performing sometimes. I want people to like me. I want them to think, okay, she actually has a brain in that head of hers. But here’s what I keep learning: perfect isn’t relatable. Nobody relates to perfection. (And fun fact: I have a very large brain that just wasn’t focused on the right things back then…wow what a lesson!)
Orlando: the first time on stage
The first time I was ever asked to speak on a stage, it was in Orlando. They asked me to speak about stigma. My honest first reaction was, really? You want me to talk about these topics in Florida, out of all places in the world?
I did it anyway.
Afterward, people from the audience came up to me and thanked me for sharing it. That’s when it clicked: when I actually started being myself, people leaned in.
One line from that talk has stuck with me ever since: the part of your voice you’re most tempted to mute is exactly what your audience is waiting for.
I’ve been on stage one other time since. Someone came up afterward and told me they loved that line because it’s true. We become so performative in everything we do, especially podcasting. We try to be like someone else. We don’t share what’s really going on. We want everyone to think we’re polished. But nobody relates to perfection.
Stop performing. Start connecting.
That trip is where I first said it out loud: stop performing, start connecting. It became the tagline for Podcast Impact Studio.
Over the next couple of days, the ideas came fast. I created a 52-card deck, which I first called Unscripted. I also sketched out a four-part class. My thinking was simple: what if I took people through the process of really learning who they are?
That became Off-Script Impact. The name fit, because when we go off-script and share from the heart, saying what people actually need to hear, we connect so much more.
None of this would exist without my own journey. Getting sober. Coming out. Having a friend ask me, live on a podcast episode, about something I’d just come to terms with, and deciding right there that it was my chance to be open. We get better responses when we’re real. Even when I first talked about my sobriety, I was afraid of how people would see me. I just did it.
What it sounds like in the room
Off-Script Impact now runs as a small group we call the Collective, with Off-Script Hours every Friday as an open drop-in. Here’s what it sounds like when people stop editing themselves. These are their words from our recent sessions.
In our first session, we asked everyone what they’d been muting. Julia said that if she stopped trying to sound like someone else, she’d come across as:
More real, more relatable. More honest, more silly, more fun, more open.
Julia
Kristin talked about growing up hearing turn down your volume, and then flipped it:
What I’m realizing in this side of my work is that by taking up space, this is how I’m giving somebody else a turn. Because they get to see it being done, and being done messy.
Kristin
Amelia, who spent her career making sure things worked for everyone, named what she’s unlearning:
My podcast is not for everybody, and I don’t care. But I have to work at that.
Amelia
The following week, describing why her ONE Person would trust her, Kristin said:
I’m not talking to her from a finish line. I’m talking to her from the road.
Kristin
And Michael opened our second session with a plug for Fridays. After a conversation at Off-Script Hours, he spent the weekend turning his summer series into its own standalone podcast.
I could fill pages. Every time we do this, I feel like I’m the lucky one, because I get to learn so much more.
You’re already a Lamborghini
I don’t do this alone. My co-facilitator, Mark Wright, spent about 35 years in broadcast news and is one of the best storytellers I know. I’m the idea person. Mark is the one I get to sit back and learn from.
Mark is always telling people, “You guys are already Lamborghinis. We’re just polishing you up.” It’s so true. When people start learning who they really are in these sessions, it shows up in their voice, on and off the mic. I am loving every single minute of it.
And here’s the part I most want you to hear: the people are what make Off-Script Impact possible. Not the slides. Not me. The depth of these conversations is incredible and so fulfilling. Sometimes my job is just helping someone see what they can’t see in themselves yet, and how amazing they are.
It’s better than I could have imagined. Not because I’m teaching something, but because I’m getting people together.
What’s next: the Podcast Impact Network
That’s why we’re building the Podcast Impact Network. It’s a community of podcasters who have been clients of ours or have gone through Off-Script Impact, and who want to help other podcasters grow in a totally new way: swapping guests, sharing ideas, launching each other’s shows, and cheering each other on.
Podcasting can get lonely. It doesn’t have to be.
If you’re editing yourself right now
If you’ve got a podcast, or one you keep almost starting, and you can hear that voice saying who am I to do this?, I know it well. I’m the kid who talked too much. Turns out talking was the gift.
You don’t need to sound like anyone else. Your audience isn’t waiting for a polished version of you. They’re waiting for the part you keep cutting out.
Stop performing. Start connecting.
Curious about Off-Script Impact or the Podcast Impact Network? Learn about Off-Script Impact.
Tamar
PS: One little note! There is a big chance you’re going to see some spelling mistakes or maybe even read something that made sense while I wrote it but may not now and that’s ok with me, I am working on practicing what I teach. lol